You know that feeling of defeat after so many attempts at this weight loss thing? That fear of never achieving your #bodygoals and being stuck in the same boat? I do. Every. Single. Time. Well, I’ve been through this struggle for the past 4 years. That’s counting since the moment I had my son and I decided to finally “work” at getting that athletic and strong physique I’ve always dreamt about. But if you want to count all the times I’ve actually tried to lose weight and achieve anything close to my Pinterest Fitspo board then I’ll have to say 17 years.
Things I Tried….
I have tried a bazillion diets, weight loss pills, teas, cleanses, and workout regimes. Of course, if you really put in the work and stick with it, you can achieve your goal. I’ve had some success. At the time that I was the closest to my goal I was doing a low carb, high protein diet, did Crossfit five times a week, and ate strictly from 8:00am to 6:00pm. I was 100% dedicated.
Mindset Change
I remember I had a sudden mind shift change and I started that routine the week of Thanksgiving. Sure, you might think I was crazy to start such a drastic change on the time of year where it’s all about the food, desserts and more food. It didn’t bother me one bit. I only visualized my future wonderful full of confidence and abs self. Every night I would mentally prepare for the next days meals. I would happily turn down any offer of food that didn’t go with my plan. That ability of saying no to even the foods that at one point I couldn’t deny myself to, was now something that I realized got me to the point I was in the first place so it became very easy to say no since I was only visualizing what I wanted to look and how I wanted to feel.
The smallest I’ve been was pre-baby number two at a whooping 170 pounds. I can still remember how extraordinary it felt to be that light and the confidence and energy I always carried. See, at only 15 years of age I was already at 230 pounds and by my 17th birthday I was 270 pounds and was diagnosed with pre-diabetes. I despised how I looked, but never thought of finding a real solution and make healthy changes. I blamed it on my genetics of being “big boned”and the fact that my everyday meals were all processed crap instead of real food. Truth is I never even bothered to learn about the root the of cause.
Fast forward to after high school, I moved to my beautiful island of Puerto Rico for college and there I was faced with the constant sight of the captivating latina women with their tan skin and beautiful figure. I felt like the ugly duckling. And that is where it all changed for me.
Power To Change
I decided that only I had the power to change. I had nobody to blame but me. I took 100% responsibility. But it was the hardest thing I had ever done. I didn’t know where to start. I couldn’t go on a diet because the only fruit I could stand eating were bananas. And vegetables? Not a single one. Not even a little bit, or cooked a certain way. Perhaps if you want to count the round iceberg lettuce, drizzled with too much ranch to even notice the salad, shredded cheese and bacon bits to disguise the bland taste of greens. But then with all the added flavoring, that is not ideal for anybody trying to lose weight.
And that is where my eating disorder began. I opted to go the worse route possible to lose weight, with bullemia. As per usual, I ate a lot. But this time I was binge eating and then purging. In a matter of a few months I dropped 60 pounds. I was tired of the purging so I opted to keep my weight down with my diet consisting of one can of soda and some chips or a cupcake to go with it and call it a day. Some days I didn’t eat. I’d lie to my roommates and say that I was too full from my previous meals, when in reality I didn’t eat anything. I hated going to restaurants and having to eat with other people. I went from binge eating and purging, to starving myself.
I put my body under so much pressure, that I ended up being hospitalized whenever I actually ate meals. I was diagnosed with gastritis which one of the causes of it is chronic vomiting. The pain was unbearable. I’d try to eat again, and the agony would start all over again sending me to the emergency room over and over again. It wasn’t until I became pregnant with my first son that I actually had to learn how to eat.
It’s all been a long road of trial and error and trying to become a healthier self. This time around I’ve just been neglecting myself and making so many excuses. This is the time to make a change. I’m not going to wait until another week starts, another month or after another holiday. There will always be a birthday, a holiday or some type of all you can eat kind of day. It’s time that I make a change and become that version of myself that I’ve always dreamt of. I’m going to commit myself to share my journey with you in hopes to inspire you and to push forward everyday. I can and I will transform my body and my life.
What is your struggle? How do you overcome the excuses? I’d love to hear about it in the comments below!
Great post! And I love your determination and mindset. I love how you said there will always be a holiday etc. So true! So excited for your journey to a healthy and energized you. Best of wishes.
Thank you so much! It really means a lot to me
You have an amazing story but so sorry to hear it’s been such a struggle!
I know, I really wish I would’ve realized sooner and know what I know now.
Thank you for sharing your story. Many times people are afraid to share their experiences. It’s very brave of you to do so. I am glad that you learned how to love and care for yourself 🙂
It’s something I’ve wanted to share but was afraid to do so. But I want to share everything I can about my journey, I know perhaps someone out there might share the same struggle and I believe anything is possible with hard work and determination. I’m so glad you liked it! Xoxo
I am so glad you made a decision to make yourself healthier by truly taking care of you! I am trying to make more time for self care…I have always struggled with putting myself last.
Thank You! I totally get it. Every little bit that you do for self care counts as progress and it’s such a great feeling ~Xoxo
Maintaining a desired weight is such a challenge and it never seems to end with life, holidays, and events messing stuff up. I wish you the very best.
It is very hard and seems like a never ending cycle at times. Thank You so much! Xoxo
You CAN and you WILL! I feel like I have such a similar story, I’m sending you so much strength!! I struggled with bulimia from the age of 11-22 years old. I’m finally now, at 31, doing things the right way. I wrote about it on my blog recently. I made the decision to go vegan because it forced me to completely rethink food and start to see it as a science -how can I fuel my body properly- instead of a comfort thing. It’s really helping me a lot (which surprised me at first). I know we can do this and I’m going to be cheering you on! I hope you feel it!!
I struggle with wanting to snack all the time. I try to keep healthy snacks like fruits and veggies around when I am tempted. Good luck on your journey.
I can’t even have any temptation at home, only fruits, veggies and nuts lol. Thank you!
You have got this! I have struggled my whole life too. It is a lifestyle change for sure.
Thank you for sharing your story! It can be really hard not to want to make excuses; I have felt very out of my element recently and it leads me to finding excuses as to why I can’t do something, but once I actually put my mind to it and start making a list of steps to take to figure out the next step I realize I am stronger than I think.
Making a list is so helpful! Taking your thoughts and writing them down makes it something to actually do instead of “wanting” to do.
I know this struggle all to well. In 2017 I started a campaign, “Giving While Living” and dedicated myself to doing a 5k once a month for various charities. It was a way to give back to myself and to others. Starting in November with a Turkey Trot Im doing it again this year for accountability, my health and to give back again.
Wow, what an amazing story! I’ve never ever done a 5k but that is on my list of things I want to do. You are doing something extraordinary! Thank you for sharing ~Xoxo
Wow! What a difficult journey. I hope you have luck this holiday season staying healthy!
Thank You!
Great content! Keep up the good work!