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I love the beginning of a new month. It’s the perfect time for a fresh start, set new goals  and go in with the new. Although it seems to me every week is time for a fresh start. Well I had a WTF moment this morning. Two months ago I was at 200lbs, then a few weeks ago those numbers started to creep up with me having no such thing as commitment to stick to the changes and new habits I purposely planned to meet my goals. The scale went up to 231lbs and I decided that that was it. I started to eat strictly whole plant based foods and a 3 Day Shakeology Cleanse immediately on the weekend. I was down 7lbs that week! Wow, I thought to myself. If I keep up with this, I’ll be in onederland by Christmas! Not exactly. I notice that there is an unusual stupid pattern to my eating habits. I tend to do great for a few days and then I screw up for a week or two.

Last week was a better week. I started Monday with the ‘fresh start’ mentality. I put on my Insanity Max:30 dvd and pushed play the entire week. Friday was my weigh in day and I was at 226lbs, yay 5lbs lost! I kept repeating in my head ‘I will not have any Halloween candy to eat, I will not have any Halloween candy to eat’. I kept repeating that in my head throughout the day and Saturday morning. I have the tendency to push aside my goals and what I’m working towards to think “it’s ok, I’ll just have a little cheat today”. Ninety five percent of the time it turns into the cheat days and sometimes even weeks.

So here I was, Halloween weekend with a house full of candy and I just couldn’t help myself. Although it was for my 7 year old son, I just couldn’t stay away. Little did I know that those little tiny pieces of decadent chocolate was creeping up more fat into my body that I now regret. I’m not a candy person, just that chocolate is my soulmate. A soulmate that I need to break up with in order to live a  long happy and healthy life.

As soon as I woke up today, I emptied my bladder, brushed my teeth and took out that scary thing called a scale. I hesitated to step on it and just thought that it’s time for me to face it, again. To admit that I messed up and I had to see the consequences for my actions. The worst feeling ever. I felt worse than just being upset and disappointed in myself. This time I was overwhelmed with anger and sadness. The scale was at 234lbs! That’s 8lbs I gained during the weekend!! I hid in the bathroom for a few minutes in disgust of myself. Thinking what was my next step. Did I hit rock bottom yet? Will this be the day of a lifetime commitment to prioritize my health and weight? I don’t know quite yet, but I sure hope it’s the last time I start over…

Have you committed to YOU?

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